Mom: Mean and Green

1100 Square foot Palace

2010-03-27T11:38:00.004-04:00

Our house is looking gorgeous. It is such a departure from the stinky, blue-carpeted mess that I saw when I first met Ryan. All the floors are finished. Even in the bathroom. The furniture is beautiful. The trim is..well, almost all painted. I am so lucky that Ryan has dedicated himself to these projects as I have. He's actually done a hell of a lot more work on them.

Some of you living in cramped quarters in a big city like New York might say, 1100 square feet! That is the Taj Mahal compared to my 500 sqft one room hovel! Yeah yeah, I don't live in NYC. I live in a small country town, and squeezing us four people into this space is a challenge. Now that we have our w/d connection in the kitchen, we finally have a third bedroom. And once Ryan removes the old washer/dryer, we'll have a storage closet. Yes, we've lived with only two closets in this house.

All that said, I'm tired of living in a work-in-progress. I'm ready to live in a place that makes me happy. Where I can spend a day in the yard making it beautiful only because I want to. Not because I want the house to look sellable.

Anyway, the mac'n'cheese is almost ready, so I'd better get lunch ready for Katie Bel. She's gonna love it. Like usual.

One Social Q at a Time

2010-03-20T15:14:00.002-04:00

Every Friday, I look forward to reading the Social Q's column in the New York Times. It's found in the Style section, and the columnist answers readers' questions about etiquette. It's hilarious. But it's also scary how often it is published.

You'd think it's a whole week. Seven complete days and nights. All those hours and minutes, and yet, I feel like I blink my eyes, and it's Friday again. I spend my work days wishing away the time, praying for Friday to come. Monday morning is a chore for me, and I resent having to get up and go to work. Sure, I like work because it gives me some purpose other than being a wife and mother. Am I doing what I really should be doing, though, if I dread going to sleep on Sunday night? Winslow is going to be six months old very soon, and it feels more like six minutes. Time is passing me by while I have little to show for it. Much of that time I've spent away from my children, allowing them to spend too much time at daycare (which we call "school" to help assuage guilt). These days, it's a common reality for many of us. With depressed and stagnant wages, it is very difficult for a parent to stay home with the kids without making outrageous sacrifices. I don't mean cutting the restaurant budget from $400 to $200 a month. I mean cutting out all retirement savings. Forgoing all social activities. Sacrificing nutrition for the sake of saving a few bucks. I can't do that. It's tight enough with both of us working. For now, it'll have to stay the way it is.

As for figuring out what to do that is meaningful, i'm not there yet. I am praying to have no regrets when I look back on this time of my life.

Calgary Challenge

2010-03-13T21:04:00.002-05:00

This past trip was a tough one. On our return home, our flight got canceled out of Minneapolis. We spend hours and hours at the airport trying to get to Atlanta, and our total travel time was about 32 hours. Exhausting. My travel companion was delightful, but I hope to never go through that again. Calgary was gorgeous, however. We'll see if I return any time soon.

The trip was tough in other ways, too. Coming home to my dear Katie Bel broke my heart. She has been so clingy. I am praying that my next trip is not soon. I'm not sure I can keep this up, especially since I don't have any hopes for more financial incentive anytime soon. Is this worth it?

On another note, Ryan is at the house right now finishing the floor work with his dad. The family is staying with his parents, and they are saints. Literally. We won't be back home for at least a few days while the wood cures and the fumes dissipate. I'm ready for the house to be finished. On Monday, I'm probably taking a day to paint the girls' room.

Housework Blitz

2010-03-06T11:19:00.002-05:00

The house is a complete wreck! We are in the middle of some major projects...having the washer/dryer connections installed in the kitchen, refinishing the floors in the bedrooms, finishing the front porch work. The house is finally going to be the most livable it can be once the work is complete. The only problem? We have a storage unit now. I hate that.

HATE IT!

I think storage units are for people with hoarding issues. Of course, there are exceptions. Needing to keep work files for a few years before destroying them...requiring space because of a temporary living situation...staging your home for sale. But right now, we are doing none of the above. Yes, we'd love to sell our house. Is it the right time yet? Doesn't seem so. Where would we go? Our mortgage payment is only about 15% of our takehome pay, and honestly, we can't afford to make it any higher.

So my plan for the storage unit is to see if I miss anything I've stored there. If we live without it for a couple of months, it's going to be sold or sent to charity. I will not allow my possessions to own me.

At the same time, we are in the market for some new furniture. Katie Bel is growing out of her crib, and she needs a big girl bed. Sure, I could buy something from Pottery Barn or The Company Store--there are some cute pieces there--but they're not made to last and tend to be made of pressed wood. I want something that my Katie Bel can have when she's grown. I found a matching pair of 3/4 sized beds built from solid Mahogany. Stunning. They are gorgeous and would cost about the same as a new pair, except that we'd have to get custom mattresses. Plus, where would we put the other bed? We haven't decided yet. The furniture is at the consignment shop and will be discounted 20% after March 16. Every penny counts. I'm headed out antiquing this morning to see if I find anything else.

I can't wait for the floors and the porch to be finished. Just in time for spring.

Outtage

2010-02-09T14:41:00.002-05:00

Today I had my Mirena removed. I got it a couple of months ago, skeptical that it would be okay for me since in the past, hormones have done a number on my libido and my moods. I was having pretty bad headaches and dizzy spells, so out it went. Ryan and I are going to have to just be careful for awhile because we're not quite ready to have another child. But soon, I'm sure we will be.

I had to pick Winslow up from the daycare. I'm not feeling so hot myself, so I guess we'll be grouchy and ill together. She got her shots today and really needs some sleep.

The house is a wreck, and it's going to stay that way. I'm not interested in doing one little thing today. Except nap...

Granola crumbs and moving boxes

2010-02-06T13:03:00.002-05:00

We are getting our house ready to sell. I'm not sure if we'll wait to put it on the market or go ahead and do it, but we're working on finishing those lingering projects. De-clutter. Re-finish floors. Paint that pesky trim. It's all happening. Well, maybe not yet.

Actually, I just made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Bars. They're supposed to have blueberries in them. I felt like chocolate instead. I can't wait to dig in. I didn't put in the whole bag of chocolate chips, so I think they'll provide a mood lift without setting the family up for a terrible sugar crash once we're finished scarfing some down.

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 stick butter, softened
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
3 cups uncooked old fashioned oats
1/2 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

1. Preheat the oven to 350. Spray a 13x9 pan with oil, or line it with foil or parchment paper and do the same.
2. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt until well mixed.
3. In a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium speed, beat together the brown sugar, granulated sugar, and butter until fluffy. Beat in the oil, eggs, and vanilla. With a wooden spoon, mix in the flour mixture until blended. Stir in the oats and chocolate chips.
4. Use a rubber spatula to spread the batter evenly in the pan.
5. Bake until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 30 to 35 min. Transfer the pan to a wire rack to cool completely. Lift by the foil from the pan and cut into 24 bar cookies.

We got it

2010-02-02T14:09:00.002-05:00

Or we will on Thursday. We have a loaner right now while our van gets new tires and detailed. But we now own a Honda Odyssey. I'm pleased with our deal. No cash out of savings!

Do we truly outgrow things...or are we just used to space?

2010-02-01T19:36:00.002-05:00

The sales manager at the Honda place called us today. He said he was looking at the fact we didn't do the deal yesterday and wanted to know what it would take for us to buy the van. So I told him that we had been lured in by the W-2 deal, and he said he'd give it to us. So we're going in to the dealership tomorrow for more negotiation. If it doesn't work out, I'm through with that place. For good! If it does go through, I'm going to be ecstatic and sad at the same time. I really do love my Accord. Had it going on 3 years and it's been good to me. But I will truly enjoy having space in my car to haul stuff.

Now I'm thinking about our house. It is too small for us. I should re-think that. It's not too small, it's just not right. We have a grand piano in the living room. It takes up half the room. Our third bedroom has the laundry connections, pretty much making it anything but a bedroom since it doesn't have a real closet now. There is space for a stackable in the kitchen, so I think that's what we should do. Put a stackable washer/dryer in the kitchen and convert the bedroom back into a bedroom. That way, we can have a guest space and when we decide to have another baby, we'll have space for him or her, too. The other issue, though, is that we have one teeny tiny bathroom. It is truly problematic. So this house is not for a large family, but it'll do for now. Any cheap ideas on how to make this place more livable?

We'll go on another day...

2010-01-31T18:17:00.002-05:00

Without a newer car. Today's shopping trip was not pleasant. First, we went to the dealership up the street to look at a large SUV. It was in relatively rough shape despite its low mileage. They would've really done well trading it with my car, which is in great condition. So we headed back to the Honda dealership for another look at the Odyssey. We were working on the paperwork when we discovered that the deal that would allow us to purchase it without any money coming out of our pocket was some kind of scam to draw us in. They claimed the deal did not apply to the vehicle we were buying, so we had to walk away. With those layoffs on the horizon, it would be super foolish to buy something that required a loan.

I am upset about things. It's ok that we didn't get a car today. But the fact that I feel bamboozled is just not what I need in this current state of flux. I need some good news. I need some good news soon.

Will I still have a soul tomorrow?

2010-01-31T09:43:00.002-05:00

I ask because we are getting a bigger vehicle. My Accord, which seems fine for a small family, just doesn't work that well for us now that we have two huge car seats in the back. When I go out of town, I have to borrow a truck or something from a family member so that everything fits.

Unfortunately, that means we have to get a minivan or an SUV. Wagons are so small these days that it's almost impossible to find one that could feasibly carry 3 adults and 2 car seats, or for when we have another child, 3 car seats. Those things are monstrous! We tried out an Odyssey yesterday. It's very nice...but this one smelled like smoke. Stinky, stinky. My mom thinks we can get the smell out, and it's probably one of the reasons it hasn't sold yet. Despite my inside churning over it, I think that it's the best choice for us. It's comfortable, relatively green for its size, and versatile. I feel, though, that my soul is being torn apart. Sure, in the long run, who cares? It's a machine that is useful to me, not necessarily a reflection of my character (although some cars truly do reflect the sleezeball nature of certain people). I'm a practical woman with a desire to have several children. It just isn't practical to need two cars to transport family around when I can get one dull car that works fine. Maybe I could have flames painted down the side. Yes, that's the ticket!!

A Day with Family

2010-01-24T13:40:00.002-05:00

It's gray again today. But a nice breakfast at my parents' house was cheerful enough. Katie Bel loves going to their house. They have great toys and lots of room for playing. Her cousin Alexa was also there, and even though she never speaks to adults, she seems to enjoy playing with Katie.

Right now, I'm planning for my first trip since returning to work. i'll be Huntsville for a few days, staying in a hotel room meant for a family. I'll catch up on sleep and eat a few good meals I'm sure. Be in bed by 8. It'll be great to have some time to myself, but I'm going to miss the girls and Ryan a lot. The few minutes I get with Winslow every day are precious, so it will be hard being away from that.

This afternoon, we're going to Ryan's parents' for an early supper. Katie Bel, who is supposed to be sleeping right now, is actually singing at the top of her lungs. She has been for going on an hour now. It's usually about now that she'll fall asleep for awhile, though we have no idea whether it will happen or not. Silly kid. I would love to have time for a nap, and yet she would rather avoid naps completely.

Making Muffins

2010-01-23T14:18:00.004-05:00

Today is chilly and gray. The wind is brisk, and my bones are cold. Beyond that, my husband and I are facing much uncertainty. Our company is in the midst of a workforce reduction. My understanding is that our leadership is confident that a large number of people will actually leave the company between now and the end of the year, but they're not sure what groups are going to lose headcount through termination. I heard over the web that several people are already gone (only a couple of days after the announcement) from one of our local offices. For the time being, though, we have no clue whether one of us, or both, will be let go. The only thing we are certain of is that we won't be getting raises or promotions anytime soon. That's a real shame for Ryan because he's due for one. Maybe even past due.

At this very moment, there are twelve oatmeal brown sugar muffins in the oven. They smell delicious, and I can't wait to dig in. We've been experimenting with snacks that Katie Bel likes without giving in to the dreaded Goldfish. Muffins are a hit as is cheese. Unfortunately for Katie, cheese ain't so nice to her stomach. Neither is the yummy organic yogurt I bought for her. So for now, we're focusing on other wholesome foods. Sure, a muffin is sweet, but if I make it myself, I feel better about it. And whatever I can do to feel better about what's going on...whether at work, at home, in the world...I think it's worth pursuing.

Brown Sugar Oatmeal Muffins

1 c. oatmeal

1 1/2 c. flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt
a few dashes of cinnamon

2 eggs

3/4 c. packed brown sugar

3/4 c. milk

1/4 c. melted butter

1 tsp. vanilla

Mix oats, flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. Set aside. Whisk eggs and brown sugar until smooth. Add milk, butter, and vanilla. Add the wet ingredients to the dry. Fold in with a spatula just until dry ingredients are moistened. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups. Bake 15 minutes @ 400. Makes 1 dozen muffins.

The search for "nack"

2010-01-16T08:43:00.002-05:00

We are in a snack rut. Katie starts asking for "nack" the second she gets up in the morning. And she wants junk. We don't have cookies or anything like that in the house, but we do have goldfish. While I was pregnant, it was a great "if it makes her happy" tool. Now I know we cannot continue on like this.

I really need some ideas. It appears that Katie Bel has entered her picky period because she isn't as open to new things as she used to be. She surprises me sometimes, asking for mushrooms or something else on my plate. We offer her everything we eat.

So this week, we're committed to no pre-packaged junk food. I will buy at least one convenience food, if only for portability's sake, but I'll shoot for no corn syrup at least...wish us luck!

A New Week

2010-01-10T10:25:00.004-05:00

Today I managed to buy organic yogurt, two kinds of meat, lots of vegetables, and some other groceries for less than $70. That's for the whole week. We've got two vegetarian dishes planned this week, and I'm excited about one of them in particular. It's street food that's often served in Jerusalem. I'll have to report back on how yummy it is, but I'm expecting it to be.

Ryan has lost 10lb in the past 72 hours because of his illness. Since the rest of us have not gotten sick, it appears he got some kind of food poisoning or bacterial infection. He's at the Acute Care down the street in hopes of some relief.

The house is a wreck. And Elmo has taken over our lives, hence the photo above. Elmo pj's, Elmo videos, Elmo juice...All Elmo all the time.

I have got to do laundry. How's that for a coherent, cohesive post??

A possible solution

2010-01-09T10:45:00.002-05:00

Last night Ryan and I had a little conference about the future. I think we might have come up with a solution, but I have to sit tight for awhile.

In the meantime, we're looking for a cheap beater car. We can't be a one-car family. It just won't work.

It's a beautiful day. Freezing, but beautiful

Longest Week On Record

2010-01-08T17:55:00.002-05:00

This was a terrible week in so many ways. I enjoyed returning to work, if only for the interaction with so many people. But that was the only bright spot. I got to be away from my little infant for 9.5 hours a day. I haven't seen her smile since Sunday, in part because I get about 5 minutes of play time in the morning and even less in the evening. She has to get her sleep, and I won't interrupt that.

Ryan has been very ill with some kind of gastrointestinal bug or food poisoning. I've never seen someone so sick. I hope I don't get it, but more importantly, I hope the baby and Katie Bel stay well. Katie Bel stayed with Ryan's parents last night, and although i'm grateful for the help, I missed her a lot. It's hard to be depressed around such a delightful toddler!

Every day at around 4:30pm, I consider putting in my notice since I can't leave for the day that early. I know, it sounds ridiculous.

Breastfeeding Blues

2010-01-03T09:04:00.002-05:00

The title of this entry is a little misleading because honestly, feeding this kiddo has been easy. She started nursing within 30 minutes of birth and never stopped. The problem is that she seems to be reacting to what I'm eating.

With my first, I had more clear-cut clues, like bloody diapers, full-body rash, excessive reflux, for instance. The first thing I stopped eating was milk, and that worked like a charm. Katie has just recently appeared to grow out of her allergy, although if she has dairy at all three meals, I notice she acts out more, possibly from feeling bad. Maybe that's me being overly cautious. But I do see a difference.

Winslow, however, does not have all the same problems. Every now and then she has a bad night where she chokes and fusses instead of sleeping like an angel like usual. It appears that nuts could be a culprit. Or caffeine. I do not consume caffeine regularly--no tea or coffee--so it would have to be through chocolate. I eat it every now and then, but I can't find an obvious connection between chocolate consumption and Winslow's misery.

Tomorrow, she starts daycare and I'll be supplementing with formula. I'll pump as much as I can, but with my job requiring travel, it's darn near impossible to exclusively breast feed. Anyway, I stressed out with Katie when I couldn't pump enough--this was at 9 months post-partum. I could nurse, but not pump. I feel no need to stress out. If I keep nursing when I can, that'll be enough.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T08:26:00.002-05:00

This year, I resolve to floss every day.

More importantly, I resolve to be nicer. I am a meanie. Several friends have had babies recently and the second I read that the child is a good sleeper and is on a schedule within 24 hours of birth, I scoff. Babies are notoriously good sleepers in the hospital. Especially early babies. My own Winslow didn't open her eyes for over a week. When she woke up, she wanted to stay awake for the action. Anyway, I have this urge to bring parents back to reality and remind them that most babies are not angels. Some are predictable, but that doesn't make 'em easy. And that is mean of me to do this.

I think it stems from the fact that Katie Bel was a pretty high needs baby. She cried for months and wouldn't let me sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. She also had terrible reflux and would projectile vomit. Everyone around me had an idea of what I should do or what was wrong. Not one of them was right. Many blamed me for her moods. I was over-feeding her, I was starving her, I wasn't putting her on a schedule, i was over-scheduling her, she needed to be held more, held less, needed a paci, whatever...I finally had to tell everyone to stop it. I knew best.

And now i'm one of "them". I know best for everyone else.

So I resolve to be nicer. And really, I resolve to worry about myself more. Sure, I'm well read and pretty darn down to earth about things. But I'll wait until someone asks...unless they really *are* doing it wrong (hehe).

Half day, whole hog

2009-12-31T19:31:00.001-05:00

Today was dreary and cold, but I can count two successes. My badge let me into the building at work, and Winslow took a bottle with fewer tears than normal. I also had success in getting my computer sign-ons working, something that has taken colleagues several days when they return from maternity leave.

But today was not so good in other ways. I get to go on a trip in three weeks. Luckily, I'll only be away for about 60 hours or so, yet I am dreading it. I know the work will be fun. Being away won't. My department is taking on even more responsibilities as our company expands, while headcount remains the same. That leaves us with more opportunities for travel. I love the learning. Yes, I do. I love working with our clients. YES YES I do. I am so worried, though, that I'll be gone more than I should be. My husband is a saint for taking this on with two kids.

On a happier note, I had a delicious dinner of baked fish with lemon and dill mayonnaise courtesy of Ryan, reluctant daddy chef extraordinaire. And for dessert, I'll be splitting a bottle of French sparkling wine with him, and maybe we'll pop a few truffles into each other's mouths.

Enjoy the last day of the Aughties.

Back to Reality

2009-12-30T11:45:00.002-05:00

Today is my last and final day of maternity leave. It's been 12 glorious weeks being with my daughter Winslow. I've had the chance to be a little housewife. In some ways, it's been great staying at home. The house is pretty straight, dinner is cooked on time every evening, and grocery shopping during the day is wonderful. But other days, it's been a little dull. I don't have tons of spending money, so mindless shopping is off-limits. I'll be glad to get back to work for some stimulation.

Is it worth it, though? After paying for daycare and work clothes, I net just a few hundred dollars a month. For that little bit of money, I get to be away from my children for 50 hours of daylight per week and then have the privilege of putting them to bed almost immediately after getting home. Some would keep their kids up to play, but I respect my children and their need for sleep.

My job also involves travel. Up until this point, it hasn't been extensive since I was only certified in my subject area in May of 2009. However, we have several girls either on or preparing for maternity leave, so the rest of us will fill in the gap. I have a potential trip already scheduled in a few weeks. Ryan will be fine. The girls will be fine. Will I be? I love travel, and training is fun...and yet my heart sinks when I think about being away for four or five days at a time. Especially since the financial rewards are limited. If I were more comfortable financially, maybe I could comfort myself with the knowledge that I was saving for our future.

At this very moment, it is not feasible for me to work less because we have to finish paying off debt and start saving, even if it's just a little bit each month. I would even be comfortable with Ryan and I both working parttime so we could spend more time with the kids. But in this town and in this job market, it would be near impossible.

So there you have it. I'm happy to get back into the swing of things at work. It's a job that can be fun and sometimes quite a challenge, so at least there's that to look forward to. It would be nice, though, to not feel so much guilt.

We're Home

2009-12-28T21:54:00.002-05:00

We just spent a few glorious days in New Orleans visiting my mother. The main reason for my enthusiasm for visiting is food. The secondary reason...all the help my mother provides. My mother-Yia Yia-loves my eldest so much I think she'd give up all her organs for Katie if there were a need. She was hand feeding Katie, giving her meat loaf and veggies, scrambled eggs, fruit, and cake (of course, cake!). Very endearing. And very helpful when you have a 3 month old who nurses 10 hours a day.

I discovered a wonderful thing during this trip: the outlet stores on the MS coast. I spent a good amount (cash, not credit) at Banana Republic Outlet Store. For the first time in a long while, I could buy clothes knowing they'd fit. I only tried on the dresses and it was great zipping them up with ease. Next time, I'm hoping to be a size smaller. It'd be a nice reward.

But that's not all that went down this weekend. Ryan and I had a delightful date, courtesy of my mother, at Cafe Adelaide. Owned by the Brennan family, it serves Creole tasties, and we went crazy eating all they had to offer. The Red Bean Crusted Oysters were the best thing I've eaten in years. That means a lot coming from a wanna-be professional eater like me.

I'm glad to be home, though. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. Tonight. Right. Now.

Dumping the Debt

2009-12-21T10:27:00.002-05:00

I'm on a roll this morning, so let me share some thoughts on debt. As I said before, Ryan and I have knocked out 17k in the past year. Actually, the past nine months. If you knew our net income, you'd be pretty amazed by how much money that really is. But it's not as simple as not spending.

First of all, we sold Ryan's car. He had a note and expensive insurance due to some driving mishaps, and honestly, we couldn't afford paying for that car. Luckily we came within about $100 of the loan amount when we sold it. Our wonderful in-laws loaned us a car for awhile, but it recently died. My parents have allowed us to drive my old Civic. After the new year, though, when I return to work, we'll be a one car family. Since Ryan and I work at the same place, we'll be OK for now. When we buy a new car, it will only be *new* to us. It will be affordable and practical.

The second thing we did was create a detailed budget. For example, we have $300 a month to spend on groceries and toiletries. Considering I know smaller families who spend $200 a WEEK at the store, we're going pretty bare in comparison. But if you don't buy processed foods, you save a ton. Don't buy meat and you'll save even more. It's a myth that you need meat. Do you need much of anything? Honestly, our lifestyle change has caused a little heartache over eating out or shopping. Yet we don't feel deprived. Personal recommendation: Have fun money set aside in the budget. Ryan and I get $40 each per month.

Our third task was to never use credit. Ever. If we can't pay cash, we can't afford it. We've missed this goal a few times, but I'm not upset about it. It felt really good to have Christmas be a cash holiday.

Another big task was to pay bills immediately. If the cash goes directly to debt, you don't spend it on silly little incidentals. It also saves on interest.

In addition to these substantial tasks, we've done a few other things:
1) Meal planning 2) Bi-weekly budget meetings 3) Selling stuff we don't use 4) Itemizing our charitable donations for tax purposes 5) Analyzing our tax withholding to maximize paychecks 6) Not using paper products 7) Using the library often 8) Rarely buying alcohol, especially at restaurants 9) Having no shame over hand-me-downs 10) Making our lifestyle changes clear to our families and friends

#10 makes some people uncomfortable. Too many people live beyond their means. I've known people who dip into savings to buy junk that doesn't last. Or to eat at Red Lobster. Not worth it guys.

One thing people wonder is whether we're miserable all the time because we're saving. Well, first of all, we're not saving yet! When we finish paying our CC debt, then we can start. Saving right now would be silly when we have debt left. But we're not miserable. Sometimes we're angry, very very angry, in fact, at ourselves for creating this worthless debt in the first place. Now, though, we're looking forward to building wealth and living happily and debt free. It'll happen soon enough.

It's been too long

2009-12-20T19:54:00.002-05:00

I've had a busy year. That's an understatement. My entire life has been flipped upside down. And that's a good thing.

In September, I got married to Ryan. We had a great party that was pretty small and very homey. It wasn't my dream wedding, mainly because I didn't feel comfortable having a huge, expensive bash while 34 weeks pregnant. Yes, I was a whale at my wedding. But I enjoyed every moment!

So that's the second big change in my life. October 8, 2009, I gave birth to a daughter, Winslow Camilla. It is hard to believe that I now have two children and a husband, especially after such a hard year in 2008.

What else? Personally, I've paid off $8,000 in credit card debt that I mainly built up while I was single and unemployed. And that's in addition to another $9k of my husband's debt. How have we done it? Wearing the same clothes over and over, even through pregnancy. Eating vegetarian. Making a very detailed budget and paying cash for just about everything. It hasn't been easy, but it's totally worth it. I'll come back to debt later. We're not through yet tackling all of it.

I'm also a home owner by proxy. It's actually my husband's house, but I guess it's mine now. We've painted every wall, purchased a tiny bit of new furniture, put in a new driveway, new windows, and refinished floors in a couple of rooms. It's looking better every week. We are cramped, though. This can't last forever. It's a 3 bedroom house better suited for college students than a family of 4.

Finally, I have become more interested in fitness and nutrition. My husband has lost 100 lb in the past 18 months or so. I met him when he was down about 40 lb and despite the fact I was pregnant and overindulging myself, I ended up his diet coach! Funny, I know. About 3 weeks post-partum, I got on the bandwagon working out and eating less. It's great having a partner in crime. Maybe I'll post pictures of before and after once i'm finished. The before pics are scary to me. And I have so much further to go. 7 weeks later, I have met my initial goal, which was to fit into my size 14 pants again without the muffin top of the century. It's only the muffin top of the year now.

It feels good to get back to writing a bit. I've missed it the past few months, but it's taken me this long to catch my breath after a whirlwind semester (yes, I still use that term even though I'm not in school).

Get with the program suburbanites!

2009-02-08T18:21:00.002-05:00

So i was surfing around on babycenter in the green/crunchy moms group, and I clicked into a thread on line drying. I am totally sold on it. Even Ryan is. So once I move into his house, we're setting up a line in the backyard. We'll see how well that works--In memphis, line drying could lead to stinkiness. A weird industrial odor. But it might work. Otherwise, we'll set up the bonus room so we can hang stuff inside. Bound to save energy.

But here's the kicker. Some of the BBC ladies were talking about overbearing homeowner's associations who regulate the use of clothing lines. GET OVER IT, NEIGHBORHOOD NAZIS! We all know where the prejudice comes from. Only poor people don't own clothing dryers, right? Well, jump on the green bandwagon and let neighbors line dry with pride. That would be a selling point for me if I were looking to purchase in a certain area.

Of course, maybe line-drying is a gateway activity into drinking 40s out of a paper bag in the front yard...

A New Year

2009-01-19T13:14:00.002-05:00

So Ryan's been on my back about changing my blog title. Guess I should do it, although "Mean, Green, and Taken" doesn't have that nice ring to it. Just kidding, Ryan.

I'm going on my first business trip tomorrow. My dad and Ryan will be watching Katie. Luckily, since it's during the week, she can go to daycare. It won't be much different for her. But I am going to miss her terribly. She gets sweeter and more wonderful every day.

Katie Bel is walking almost full-time these days. And she can say all sorts of words. How blessed I am.

Anyway, i have to get ready for my trip now. There is laundry everywhere...

Again?

2008-11-30T18:30:00.002-05:00

For the first time in two and a half years, I am officially in a relationship. WTF? You may ask, what about Katie's dad? Weren't you together 18 months ago? Not really, guys. We never connected emotionally, and we both knew it would end with his move to the West Coast.

I'm feeling a little scared right now--what have I done wrong in the past? Will I repeat those mistakes? I hope not. I'd like to think that motherhood has changed me. I'm still very outspoken, even a tad tactless sometimes, but being responsible for this little fireball has changed my perspective on what is truly important. Unfortunately, I've also become more suspicious and less sure of myself. Hard to believe, right? I make no apologies for most of what I do (I mean, who's perfect?), and yet, I still have lots to work on.

Work is still great. And Katie continues to surprise and delight me. How lucky am I? Things are going so well that I'm concerned something bad is bound to happen soon. Let's hope for the best!

A good week

2008-11-20T20:03:00.002-05:00

Well, this week has been an excellent one, although I'd have to say it took an unexpected twist. More on that later. Katie Bel has all of a sudden become very interested in her toys--and she loves figuring things out now. She's also standing on her own. In fact, every time she does it, she claps for herself. They must do that at daycare. It's so cute. I still miss my baby Katie during the workday. Going at lunch, however, has proven to be bad for both of us. She cries when I leave, and so do I. No more.

On a different note, one of my co-workers in my division took me out on a date today! I was quite surprised to receive the invitation in the first place and also very flattered. We had a great time. Of course, I'm a bit cautious; it's hard not to be when things have gone so poorly in the past. But I'm staying optimistic. This fellow is interesting and has tricks up his sleeves that amuse me. We'll see how it goes!

Here we go again

2008-11-13T12:26:00.002-05:00

Well, as quickly as it started, it ended. No longer seeing that someone anymore---it's not a huge deal, not like I had invested a huge amount of energy in it, but the reason it's over is the same as usual. The shy ones are intimidated by my outgoing personality, while the ones who share many of my characteristics feel I'm in competition with them. I feel like I can't win, no pun intended. I love that movie Something's Gotta Give with Jack and Diane. The best scene is when Frances McDormand lectures Jack on how interesting women, unable to find a partner, end up pursuing hobbies that make them even more interesting, and therefore less attractive to men. Not every relationship/experience has reinforced that theory, but most have. So maybe I should become a playwright? Haha, not likely.

Katie's fever has come and gone again and again, so we're going to the doctor this afternoon. I am ready for drugs. Really. She is so miserable and so am I. So I'm having cookies for lunch.

Where is that damn rule book?

2008-11-11T20:12:00.002-05:00

Ok, I feel like an idiot. I spent almost 2 hours trying to get Katie to go to bed and stay there until I realized she might be hungry. She's only been nibbling and sipping all day--I guess because she's not feeling well. So she sucked down a few ounces and literally fell out within a few seconds. Dead asleep in my arms. Poor thing. You'd think after a year I'd know what my child needs. D'oh!

Home Sick

2008-11-11T10:34:00.003-05:00

Today Katie is sick. We had to stay home from work/daycare because of it. Guess that's pretty good since Katie started daycare 3 months ago. I'm a little upset since it means I now won't have any vacation after Christmas. Sure, it's only one day, but it sucks that Katie will have to go to daycare that day unless my family helps out.

But anyway, the news is that Katie turned 1 on Sunday! I can't believe I have a toddler on my hands. She is standing on her own a little bit and will probably be walking before you know it. We had nice visit with her father's family in Augusta. Thankfully, they're coming to visit in December-that drive is a bear to do by yourself at night, especially with all the construction on I-85. Rain followed me the entire way to Atlanta last Friday.

And I'm seeing someone. It's really nice to have somebody who likes talking to you, wants to spend time with you, and even takes you out for a good meal every now and then!

Oh, crying baby. Gotta go.

Quite a change

2008-10-29T19:10:00.002-04:00

The past couple of weeks, I have lost a few pounds--not exactly in the way I should. I got sick as a dog and then haven't been eating supper, really. Certainly helps the budget! I'm still working on eating enough vegetables. I have only eaten a few pieces of bread, though, and honestly, that is amazing to me. I'm gonna keep this up!

I've also been venturing out back into the dating game. It hasn't gone as well as I'd like. Most dudes are completely frightened by the fact I have a child. One even chatted with me a few weeks, asked me out, and then bailed. It's disappointing since I have never hidden for even one moment that I'm a mom. I do have a lunch date tomorrow, though, and maybe it'll go well. the fellow seems very kind. I haven't been around much kindness recently. Friendly? yes. But not kind. There's a difference.

Katie Bel is cruising along these days. They're encouraging her to walk at daycare, but I'm ok if it takes a lot longer! She's also not saying much. I'm ready to hear some words, dangit!

This weekend, I'm going to a friend's home for a cookout. This is the first time I've hung out with friends in almost six months. thank goodness for change.

Back Again

2008-10-15T20:25:00.002-04:00

I'm beat. That pretty much sums up the past month. Work is exhausting and I go to bed by 8:30 most nights. Tonight is special because the finale of Project Runway is on. I know, I know, I could wait until it is a re-run but where's the fun in that?!? I've already got lunch ready for tomorrow, all of Katie's bottles ready, and I've got 2 minutes of diaper stuffing before the show starts in 30 minutes.

I got back my health assessment results from work. My cholesterol is excellent, my thyroid is great, I am not pre-diabetic or anything...but my risk for stroke is high. Despite my "risk-age" being calculated as 26.5, my risk for stroke in the next 10 years is really high for someone my age. It's because I need to lose a few pounds and because of my blood pressure. My BP has been high most of my life regardless of weight, diet, or stress level. Not blazing high, but still high. I need to be more proactive about it, especially since Katie needs me alive, so I've decided right here and now that I have to figure out what works for me. I've read enough nutrition books to know what the science says and yet I think that each person has to tweak the equation for good health.

My personal weakness is bread. I have been known to eat buttered bread for supper. I probably need to cut that out. In the past couple of days, I've been focusing on getting enough fruits and veggies, with an emphasis on protein and leafy greens. I used to hate making salads at home, and now I know why---I HATE ROMAINE LETTUCE! I think it tastes funny. So I found an alternative at the grocery store. It's not iceberg, I promise, it's very green, but much more tender and tasty.

I have also hit a major milestone in my life. I am drinking un-sweet tea. Yes, in the South, if you do not drink brown sugar water, it's called "un-sweet" as if they have added the sugar and then distilled it out. Silly, I know. And when I say un-sweet, I mean without any sugar OR sugar substitute. Go me! It actually tastes good!

Katie is growing. She's eating real food and prefers to feed herself. She loves bananas and that makes her colon sad, so she's also drinking juice to keep things moving. I think I've got a monkey on my hands! She'll be turning 1 in 3 weeks. WTF?! I love that stinker so much and can't believe it's almost been a year. It's flown by.

Plan B

2008-09-09T19:19:00.002-04:00

Well, I don't have one yet. But I need a Plan B. I show up for the body pump class at work and turns out that being 10 minutes early actually meant I was about 30 minutes too late to find a spot. One person reserves half the spots for her friends. I can't take that much time out of my day. A colleague has offered to take me to Curves this Thursday, so i'll give it a shot. I just don't want to pay for it!

What really gets me, though, is that I skipped my daily visit to see Katie today so I could work out and it totally wasn't worth it. I didn't realize how much those visits meant to me until this evening when I missed her so badly it hurt. I've managed to compartmentalize my work life from my home life, so I don't dwell on missing Katie too much usually. But when your baby starts screaming the second you enter the classroom, it's heartbreaking, especially when she is all smiles when finally picked up. Good to know I'm needed...

Knowing my place

2008-09-08T20:29:00.003-04:00

Today a colleague gave his first presentation. It went very differently from mine. While my presentation ended up leaving lots of questions unanswered due to my complete lack of expertise on the subject--FYI it was only for practicing presentation skills, not building expertise necessarily--this one had very little that seemed unfinished. I really wonder, though, if that's a correct assessment. I've always prided myself on authoritative bullshit, but with this group at work, I avoided pretending because these people actually DO know, unlike my previous audiences who tended to be completely unfamiliar with the subject matter. We'll see how the next one goes, both for me and for the other newbies.

I'm having issues at work. Not with the work itself, but with perception. More later.

I have brown hair again. I got sick of looking in the mirror. It's not saturated since I only had one box of color, but i think it looks pretty good. I even managed to color my eyebrows.

The bread's almost done. Off I go.

I know, I know

2008-09-07T21:14:00.004-04:00

Yes, I am a loser. I go to bed so early that updating this thing just doesn't happen much. In the picture above, ignore the dudes. Katie looks so cute, though!

So I've been gainfully employed for 4 weeks. And I don't want to beat any of my coworkers...yet. That says a lot considering how intolerant I can be sometimes. I won't say much about it since I do not want to make enemies so early, but I will say that some of my co-workers remind me of GA Tech folks. I wonder if you've always got to have the same types of people at each workplace. The pleaser, the workaholic, the one who makes friends with everyone within 30 seconds, the slacker, the know-it-all, the dry wit....not sure where I fit into that. I guess I've always been pretty friendly, but I am also a know-it-all. I'm a gossip. I'm a ham. I just can't help myself.

The last time a dude held my hand was March 27, 2007. For some reason, the past week has been very very bad and I've been dwelling on this "dry spell". I've put that in quotes because honestly, I would consider a spell to not be 18 long freakin' months. Of course, if someone asked me out, what would I do? Would I say yes? Would I believe even one word that came out of his mouth? And anyway, don't I deserve this? I mean, I chose to have a baby outside of marriage. Did I honestly think it wouldn't be this lonely? Ugh, now I'm whining and I hate whiners.

I'm joining the gym at work to take the body pump classes. That way, I won't feel like whining anymore because I'll be too busy sweating. i don't have delusions of a hot body. I only want my clothes to fit like they used to without resorting to plastic surgery. Of course, I'd have to perform that surgery myself, and I'd rather not. Exercise would be much easier. I guess.

It is totally past my bedtime. Maybe I'll dream about something really juicy tonight.

One sick family

2008-08-23T09:30:00.005-04:00

I got some things in the mail from my mother and this little hat was among them. Of course, Katie had to try it on. Or, should I say, mommy had to put it on her..

Katie and I are both sick. It's been awful! She got a nasty cold and then gave it to me. It's been so bad that I broke down and took her to the doctor, something I never do with myself. But it had been 10 days of hacking and sniffling, and I had had enough of my poor baby being miserable. I was ready to hear, "It's just a virus" since she had only had a mild fever a week ago. The nurse practitioner said, though, that it was perfect timing for us to come in because 10 days was just too long. So now Katie is on some medicine--provided free by Publix pharmacy--and I hope she gets better soon. I also hope that I get better.

This week was orientation at work. Woah, Nelly! The benefits are awesome. More later. I need a nap.

Back to Work

2008-08-17T17:56:00.002-04:00

What a week! The past 10 days or so have flown by as my brother and his wife visited and then work began. I am blessed to have found this job because it is with a department full of smart people. What I really like is that nothing is considered obvious--it's all laid out for me. Even "how to check your voicemail" is something they go over. I've had too many jobs in the past where it felt like we were just thrown in the deep end and then judged harshly for not knowing which way is up.

Taking Katie to daycare, though, was the most traumatic event of all. But I had nothing to worry about! She is having so much fun playing with all their great toys and participating in all the activities that she barely misses me. I do get to see her at lunch time. Thankfully, the center is just across the parking lot from work. It's been hard pumping enough milk...i'm still working on that. However, I have plenty of time to pump and a clean, private room where I go twice a day. That was a relief.

The biggest change has been that I am very exhausted at the end of the day, and so is Katie. She plays very hard and doesn't want to nap at the center, so she's a limp rag by the time we get home. I hope she starts napping soon.

Pleased with myself

2008-08-07T12:45:00.002-04:00

An end and a beginning

2008-08-07T09:11:00.002-04:00

The past week has been hectic. After months of a humiliating job search, I am finally employed. Before now, jobs have usually fallen into my lap. It was tough when I moved to Colorado right after Sept. 11, but I found a really fun job at Coors Brewing Company as a tour guide, and that was enough to pay the bills. After that, if I interviewed for a job , I got it. Or with my teaching job, I didn't even really have an interview. My friend referred me to a substitute teaching position, and after working for 2 days, I was hired for the rest of the year with the intention of being hired full-time for the next school year. It's all been easy.

Not so this year. By now, I've been of "working age" for 7 years, since I graduated in 2001 from Johns Hopkins--with the oh-so-useful degree in Philosophy. I have a varied resume with most jobs lasting about a year. All have been teaching/training/educating. But I thought my educational credentials would be a blessing and that my personality would make up for any holes in my resume. Unfortunately, they worked against me. I applied to well over one hundred jobs, got immediate letters of rejection from about a dozen, and interviewed three times unsuccessfully before landing this job. I revised my resume many many times in hopes of downplaying my talents, overplaying them, looking smart, looking practical...It was very difficult to figure out what I needed to be saying. I sent bare bones cover letters for low-end jobs, and thoughtful ones for more advanced positions. Sometimes, I'd be rejected for a job within 20 minutes of applying. Since I often sent in applications (that took at least an hour to fill out) at night, that meant no person ever laid eyes on them. Instead, a computer filtered through looking for keywords. So I tried using invisible fonts to insert keywords I thought might help. That tactic didn't work, but I thought it was clever if I do say so myself.

The job I am starting on Monday is a dream job. I will be training adults who work for large companies as they go through a conversion to my corporation's system. So I get to learn technical stuff and teach it. I went through 2 interviews and this time, I was able to be myself. And it paid off. Katie is starting daycare onsite--it's a fabulous place and I'm excited about being blessed enough to get her a spot. It'll be hard to adjust at first since I've been with Katie for months. However, now I'll be able to start paying down debt and building a future for my daughter while working at a job that I hope is personally fulfilling. That'll be a first for me. It only took 28 years for me to start a career.

I've diagnosed my problem, doc...

2008-07-29T09:58:00.003-04:00

Today in the NYTimes, there was a short essay on how the doctor-patient relationship has deteriorated, leaving many patients feeling neglected and unhappy. I think most people on the street could tell you they have had a bad run-in with a physician. I know I have. I've had numbness in one of my toes for over a year now. Every doctor I was seeing at the time--Three, since I was pregnant and seeing a specialist--referred me to one of the other doctors, so I was left with no explanation except that it was pregnancy related. Well, my toe is still numb every now and then, so unless I've been chosen to bear the new savior, it's not due to pregnancy.

I've also had other troubles with feeling blown-off by doctors. They will practically laugh you out of the office if you have an idea that might be different from theirs. I've got Katie on Dr. Sears' vaccination schedule, and it's completely conservative, and many doctors won't even look at it. This guy is on Oprah, folks. He ain't no crackpot!

My biggest problem has been with doctor arrogance. We tend to worship physicians as if they are geniuses. Sure, a huge percentage of my friends who went to medical school are quite intelligent. But since I know so many--I went to Johns Hopkins where at least 50% of graduates are pre-med--I also know that few, if any, deserve the genius label. Many were just looking for prestige, money, or validation. Some were blindly following their parents' wishes. And a couple really liked people and wanted to help. When I look back on high school and the folks who are now practicing, I know that they are probably the ones who smugly look at patients as if they are mere peons. My college friends I know are hard working and are probably great, but I still wonder if they've bought into the whole system of entitlement. Reading about the pharmaceutical industry and how they court physicians with money and power, I can't help but feel it's difficult for doctors to ignore the praise.

While I think the work that doctors do is important, I don't think it's that much more important than the work of sanitation workers. I've made the argument for years that a garbage man makes an equal if not more significant contribution to the welfare of society than a scholar--i'm beginning to think the same thing about other professions. We need every last one of them and yet revere only a few.

I tried the whole single mom thing...

2008-07-26T17:40:00.004-04:00

Recently, I went to the movies with some friends who had also invited another girl. I had heard about this gal, that she was a single mother, too. Turns out that she was either getting married or had just married the baby's father. She said to me, "Yeah, I tried the whole single mom thing for a year," and then trailed off. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be proud of her or feel sorry for her. She was in the middle of packing up her entire life to move far away to live with the guy--was it love? or was it the need to connect with someone? I will never know, of course. She's gone for good.

The past eight months have been very lonely for me. I have moved away from my friends in order to be closer to my family, but with no job and no resources (like money!), it's been hard to find satisfying interaction with others like me. I've briefly spoken with some women at the library during story hour for babies, but most of them are military wives. And other single moms? I have a great friend who lives thousands of miles away, but none here who are like me. I'm even afraid to talk about it for fear of seeing "the look". It's the one that people give you when they feel sorry for you.

The only times I've ever felt sorry for myself were right after Katie was born and I had no one to take care of me despite an excruciatingly painful episiotomy and the sleepless nights that followed for weeks. The other tough times have occurred when friends asked me to go out and then were offended I had to say no...and then when friends just stopped calling. Otherwise, I've got my beautiful daughter to keep me company. And now with my job prospects looking better every day, I know things will get back to normal. Soon, I'll have the resources to meet other moms at the local indoor playground. Maybe I'll go on a date or two. Maybe one day I'll have sex again, just maybe--although I will have ample forms of protection. My biggest hope, though, is that I'll be able to provide a good example for Katie as a woman who can balance work, family, AND friends while taking full responsibility for my destiny. A mother who defines herself solely through her children --that was my mother. When we left, she had no identity and she blamed us. I do not want to fall into that trap.

Would I marry Katie's dad just because I'd "tried the whole single mom thing" and it was too hard? Nope. Marriage should be about some kind of meaningful partnership based on at least respect, friendship would be better. Love would only be icing on the cake. But just because I'm lonely? Good Lord, no. I have too much self-respect for that.

In the blink of an eye

2008-07-24T09:24:00.003-04:00

Katie Bel is now mobile. She's been scooting around for awhile, but in the past few days, she's really started moving. Everyday, she learns a new skill. It means sleepless days and nights, but the end result is awe-inspiring.

Katie has also grown like a weed. After several months of almost no gain in height, she has grown at least 2 inches, if not more, for a grand total of 27.5 inches. She'll be going on her first date before I know it.

The hidden cost of luxury

2008-07-24T09:16:00.002-04:00

The NYTimes reported today that some types of granite countertops, whose presence is now ubiquitous in upgraded kitchens, are contain uncomfortably high amounts of uranium, which emits radon as it decays. For those of us who live in homes with cheap landlords, we only have to worry about roaches and uninsulated attics, but those with a history of cancer or high risk for the disease might have reason to get their luxury finishes tested.

Why is it the norm to assume a substance is safe until proven otherwise? I understand that we can never prove something is safe beyond any shadow of a doubt, but when you're dealing with a natural stone mined from the Earth, I would think that wondering if it were radioactive wouldn't be that far-fetched. But one expert in the article says that they don't even know the provenance of the granite being imported into this country right now.

Lesson for now? Beware exotics, folks. It's better for the planet to stick close to home anyway. And if you're worried, get your granite tested. Maybe go with concrete for your next renovation. That's a super green kitchen finish and pretty trendy, too.

Land of Fruit and Nuts

2008-07-19T17:50:00.003-04:00

Although it just isn't in my food budget this year to join the local CSA co-op, I plan on doing it next year, so I joined the list-serve devoted to the topic. Most of the members either subscribe to the co-op or are interested in going local, organic, and natural, so we've talked about doctors willing to go with alternative vaccination schedules, grocery stores, etc. Recently, we had a discussion on how having an organic grocery store would be great! And I agree. There is a 7th Day Adventist store nearby that offers a small inventory along with a daily cafeteria style vegan offering. The Country Life, as its called, is really quite a treat for such a small town like Columbus. However, there are days when the shelves are practically empty.

Well, one poster recommended Peachtree Natural Foods as well as Ben's Fresh Market. I've never been to Ben's, but P'tree Natural Foods is very expensive. Plus, it has no produce. The employees do not sample the goods, unlike many natural foods stores I've frequented all over the country. That tends to take away from its authenticity. It also doesn't help that the owners also run supplement-based weight-loss centers. Sends up red flags for me!

Anyway, at the same time, someone complained about the produce from the subscriptions. Several posters responded, wondering how anyone could have a problem with any of it since it's local! Here's what came about as a result (i've removed identifying information).

Hi Everyone,
I was the one who called [the organizer] to express unhappiness about the
produce. I thought some of the vegetables seemed small, the carrots
were way too small, my husband thought it was overpriced compared to
Lewis Jones organics, and we don't like southern vegetables. I have
really tried to like the okra, the turnip greens and the collards, to
name a few, but I guess because I was not raised on them, my family
and I have not been able to like them. We really did try. I love the
idea of a local,co-op farm, and natural foods. I also really love the
farmers that I have met each week at the Loft. This was one of the
hardest things to say, as I really fought with my truth and how much I
liked the people doing all the work for us. I do know how hard it is
on a farm, my husband comes from a farming family. However, it really
is not personal, it is just my experience. I am used to going to Whole
Foods in California and getting organic foods, so I suppose I have
been spoiled. I was very sad to hear about how evil some say Whole
Foods is, I have had the opposite experience.
While I am confessing these sins, I also want to say that I thought
Ben's Market was very overpriced, and I did not think the vegetables
were that fresh. The lettuce was wilted. I bought two potatoes and a
lettuce and a whole chicken, and it cost me $15.00. I don't pretend to
understand economics, but that seems to be a lot. Also the garlic was
sprouting and from Peru, so I can't see how that is local.
I am not interested in getting into a heated argument with anyone, I
try to live my life with compassion and kindness. I just needed to
express my reality about the produce. I hope this group is open to
hearing everyone's opinion about the co-op so the CSA can thrive.

Now, i'm all about varied opinions, but this letter is full-fledged whining. Just because she's seen happy faces at Whole Foods doesn't mean their business practices are sound. I bet she also thinks that Walmart employees are really pleased with their lack of health insurance. Honestly, I don't know what the official beef with WF is. However, I've spent enough time reading about corporate America that I don't trust any company "just because". I also know that the CEO of WF did not want to indicate the place of origin for their produce. hmmm....

And not liking southern vegetables is an issue that can only be solved by moving away from the South. A CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) co-op supports local farms, so you're not going to get other types of vegetables if you live here. Sorry.

FYI: For anyone familiar with online list-serves and message boards, the claim that you are "not interested in getting into a heated argument" is actually a provocation. Go back to California, please. All you do is drive up real estate prices here anyway.

Saving energy is for the birds

2008-07-18T12:58:00.002-04:00

I just got another electric bill. This is after a month of sweating, running fans instead of the A/C, cutting down usage of the dryer, using less hot water...And it was exactly the same as last month's bill. Granted, it covered 3 more days than before, but I only saved a whopping $.65 a day by being miserable. What's next? Turning the a/c off? I just can't do that. GA Power did an energy audit on the house and suggested insulating the attic and getting fans. The landlord has ignored my request to insulate the attic. Do I have any legal rights regarding this matter? Anyone?

I suppose when I finally get a job--maybe soon--it won't be so bad because I can turn the thermostat to boiling temperatures during the day. In March when the lease is up, Katie and I will move to a more energy efficient place, even if it means downgrading in size. I don't really need all this space anyway.

Going Local

2008-07-13T10:25:00.002-04:00

I just finished the book This Organic Life: Confessions of a Suburban Homesteader by Joan Dye Gussow. Gussow outlines all of her trials and tribulations as she attempts to "go local", eating mostly what she grows, while providing recipes using much of the produce from her gardens. Although the story gets a little bogged down in the details--is the book a "how-to" on growing a garden or a narrative of her life story or what?-I gleaned some great information from it. It also has inspired me to at least try keeping to locally grown and produced items.

Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to give up my morning smoothie if I really mean it. In the past 3 weeks or so, I have been getting in all of my fruits for the day by throwing in a banana with whatever else I got at the grocery store, whether they be strawberries, blueberries, raspberries (only once-heaven!), peaches, oranges, and mango. I put in a few tablespoons of yogurt, a shot of water from the tap, and blend, blend, blend. I've never been one to sit snacking on most fruits. It's just not a habit of mine. But I need to be a better example for my daughter. I don't want her to enjoy a High-Fructose Corn Syrup snack more than a yummy piece of fruit.

But I digress. The problem is that none of these fruits, except for the peaches, came from anywhere near Columbus, GA. All of them were shipped in from afar--thankfully nowhere foreign. Gussow says a place to start is by giving up bananas, the perpetual exotic since they don't grow except in the tropics. I don't really like bananas, but they have their place in my smoothie. Gussow tried to find a banana substitute in paw-paws, though she never had any luck actually producing them from her plants.

So what's a girl to do? For now, I'm going to at least try to stick with items that came from the East Coast. That's as local as I can do with the fruit for now. For veggies, off to the farmer's market. I'm still baking my own bread. Who knows where all the ingredients in that came from!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

2008-07-12T10:19:00.003-04:00

These sounds delicious. I'm going to make them this week.

Update: I made the cookies. They are heavenly. I made them in three batches, one the first day, another 24 hours later, and finally again today. Not sure if waiting more than 24 hours is worth it, but they really are the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever tasted. I think I've gained 5 lbs.

Dishwashing Disaster...and success

2008-07-12T09:44:00.003-04:00

This past week has been an adventure in dishwashing. I ran out of my ultra-expensive stuff--the kind with the powder and liquid put together into a neat packet, and decided that I might as well give making my own a try. I mean, making my own laundry detergent was easy, so this can't be that hard, right?

Wrong.

It turns out that homemade dishwashing detergent doesn't work that well. And the recipe that everyone uses not only doesn't work that well, it SUCKS. 1 part borax to 1 part baking/washing soda. It leaves a nasty film on everything. I had to run a rinse cycle twice with vinegar to get it off. That's not too environmentally friendly, is it?

So I tried an easy alternative I found online: 1/4 c. soda and 1 T dishwashing liquid. I thought, well, I've seen how Dawn can cause the dishwasher to overflow with suds, but that only happens in the movies, right? Plus, 1 T hardly seems like a lot. Let's give it a shot. So I tried it and went to bed. About 30 minutes later, I woke up in a cold sweat, made a run for the kitchen, and witnessed half the floor covered in suds. D'oh! Again, I had to run a couple of cycles to get all the soap out of the system. Again, a waste.

Finally, I ran into another alternative on The New Homemaker. I've copied it here. Don't expect perfection, and yes, I did use the Kool-Aid instead of the citric acid, but it definitely does the job in aiding the dishwasher in sanitizing the dishes. Thanks to Lynn Siprelle of TNH.

In a plastic container with a firmly fitting lid, mix:
1 cup borax
1 cup baking soda
1/4 cup salt
1/4 cup citric acid (available in brewing stores among other places--if you haven't tracked it down yet but must try this formula, use two packets of Lemonade-Flavored Kool-Aid, ONLY lemon, or you'll dye your dishwasher! and ONLY unsweetened Kool-Aid!)
30 drops citrus essential oil--lemon, grapefruit, orange, tangerine, or a mixture

Put all of it in the container, shake it up.

I have decided that for the stuff I use, I'm going to do my best to handwash from now on. Katie's stuff goes in the dishwasher. But this mixture saved me lots of dough, so I don't feel so guilty!

Too cute

2008-07-11T20:43:00.001-04:00

Finally

2008-07-11T10:11:00.003-04:00

Research has shown that even a free pen given to a doctor by a drug company can make the doc feel obligated to write more prescriptions for that particular drug. Finally, something is being done, and it's actually a voluntary agreement on the drug companies' part. More action is necessary, especially when it comes to so-called consulting fees that doctors receive to market drugs, but this is a start.

Here's the article on how drug companies won't be handing out that free stuff anymore.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

2008-07-10T15:24:00.003-04:00

In an effort to save money and maybe even help the environment a little, I have started making my own laundry detergent. Here's the recipe:

1 cup Grated Soap
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup Washing Soda

For the soap, some people use Ivory, others use Fels Naphtha, and I used Zote. I found it at Big Lots for about $.80 a bar. It's bright pink! I used the food processor to grate the soap, first with the grater attachment and then with the regular blade. You have to make sure the pieces of soap are small enough that they'll dissolve in the wash. Borax and Washing Soda are available at the grocery store. Even podunk Columbus had it at the Publix.

Use 1 Tablespoon per load. 2 Tablespoons if it's really dirty stuff. Be forewarned that you want to put the soap in first and blast it with hot or warm water for a few moments before switching to cold if you're doing a cold load. Then put in the clothes. Also, this mixture doesn't suds up. And finally, I put vinegar in a downy fabric softener dispenser so it goes through the rinse. That leaves the clothes fresh feeling and also soft! Yet another great use for vinegar.

The only time I don't use this homemade concoction is when I'm washing cloth diapers. I haven't been brave enough because I'm afraid of the potential buildup. Therefore, I'm still using my tiny bit of Purex for the diapers.

So it really is cheaper to use this method. Most people, of course, use too much detergent in general, so just cutting back could be helpful as well.

How to Freecycle the wrong way

2008-07-10T10:40:00.002-04:00

I first heard about Freecycle on my birth board over on Babycenter.com. I thought it would be a great way to find some free baby stuff while also allowing me to give away some of Katie's old things. In Atlanta, the Freecycle group I joined was tightly moderated with post requirements and frequent notes from the group owners reminding us to be courteous and generous. And so I gave away about $600 worth of maternity clothes in the middle of the night by throwing them over the gate to a middle-aged woman, a whole mess of diapers and newborn sized clothing to a foster parent, and a vacuum to a small family in a beat-up van. How much did I receive? Nada. In order to get one of the many offerings on Freecycle, you must be glued to the computer and answer all posts immediately. I tried to get all sorts of things, but was never fast enough. Or maybe I didn't have a heart-breaking story to go along with my request. When I offered items, I'd say half the responses were "for a friend in need". Hmmm....wonder about that.

Now that I'm in Columbus, I am canceling my membership to the Freecycle community here. It really should be called something like "Cheapskate cycle" or "Freelunchcycle" or "Creepcycle". No one offers anything but ancient mattresses and unwanted pets, something the Atlanta group did not allow. All of the posts are WANT posts. Sure it's allowed, but certainly frowned upon. This week there have been requests for clothes, designer pets, whole houses worth of furniture, and even cars. I have a feeling most of these people aren't successful, but I am appalled by it. I've given away some baby items and a gallon of bleach. Hardly pricey items, but I was one of only a few offering anything at all.

Note to self: never offer bleach again. I got a response from a woman who was going to walk all the way from Phenix City, Alabama, to pick it up. Weird, huh? Well, she came to pick it up the next day, somehow bumming a ride, and I knew immediately why she was willing to walk for free bleach. She was probably a meth addict. I've seen pictures of what meth does to people. It had not even crossed my mind that a cleaner would be used for nefarious purposes. Makes me very sad.

Crying baby alert. More later.

2008-07-08T14:11:00.002-04:00

More on this later, but so I don't forget, this is a forwarded email related to home births. I haven't experienced one myself, though several of my friends have had the joy of laboring and delivering at home.

I wanted to draw your attention to this important petition that I recently signed:

"Keep Home Birth Legal"
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/birthathome?e

I really think this is an important cause, and I'd like to encourage you to add your signature, too. It's free and takes less than a minute of your time.

Thanks!

A New Year

2008-07-08T13:22:00.006-04:00

In three days, I'll be 28 years old. Every time my dad mentions this fact, I remind him that he is my Dad. He looks at me and says, "Damn! How old am I, then?" And now that he is a grandfather, he wonders if that makes him old. I wonder the same thing about myself.

We have a tradition in our family to go to the Japanese Steakhouse--named as such since it could be Benihana or any of its competitors--eat until we're going to explode, drink a little too much, and then ask the question to whoever is celebrating: What have you learned in the past year?

This year, I'm not sure what to say. It might be that the past twelve months have been the most spectacular, frightening, enlightening, and otherwise life-changing months I have ever experienced. I have watched my baby brother become a man as he navigates both a new marriage as a husband and a submarine as a nuclear engineer. I have gotten drastically closer and more distant with various family members, including my father and mother, my step-family, and even my half-sisters. I have left academia, an environment both intoxicating and frustrating, so that I can pursue more meaningful, albeit currently unknown, work. And most importantly, I have given birth to my daughter Katherine Bel, this precious little girl who makes me laugh, confuses me, needs me, whom I love more than anything or anyone I've ever known.

Katie Bel is now 8 months old, trying to crawl and communicate more and more each day. She has taught me patience by crying for almost three months straight, gratitude by being healthy, generosity by demanding everything I have...the list goes on and on. I'm not sure I was worth much to the human race before my daughter leaped into my life. But now, I think I have something to offer other people, whether it's knowledge, laughter, anger, or support. And it only took me 28 years.